Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Randomize
