Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
