I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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