Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize