If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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