My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
