how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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