just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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