I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
