I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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