unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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