Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
