Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need water and some morals
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
