He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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