At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
