I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hippo gnu deer
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
