i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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