Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Randomize
