We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
