dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he thought i was a dude.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
