Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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