Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
