Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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