the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
