someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize