I want to have your abortion
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
