Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
