You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
