He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
