my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
