I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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