if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
