his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
