Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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