Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
