do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you never un-have a 4some
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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