"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize