The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
