I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize