I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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