last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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