We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
