I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
