How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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