after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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