I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
