Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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