Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
