I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
