I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
