watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
