you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
