take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
