We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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