Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
