so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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