i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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