What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
