the condom got lost in my hair
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
