Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
