I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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