My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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