I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
