Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
