ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
