and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize