The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
